Mimi [walks over to the trio, looks Maggie up and down]: Whoa! Looks like menopause hit her hard then dragged her for 50 yards.

Maggie:  And who did this to your face dear, soccer hoodlums? Skinheads?

[All laugh]

Mimi:  Ha ha ha ha….I’ve never heard such a funny joke, let’s go outside and tell a few more like that. We’ll take the stairs—you first.

Nigel Wicks:  Mommy, what are you doing here?

Maggie:  I knew you were in trouble the moment I heard your moany little voice on the telephone. You never could hide anything from your glamorous mommiekins.

Mimi [to Drew]: 
If you had to have sex with a hammerhead shark or…

Drew: Hammerhead shark. Sorry to interrupt, 
I have to be going, have to see about the other job. 
I’m sorry I can’t help you Mr. Wick. 
Mrs. Wick, it was nice meeting you.

[Maggie holds out her hand to Drew. He kisses it hesitantly]
 

Drew:  My…the hair on your knuckles is so soft and delicate.

Maggie [to Nigel]: 
Now darling boy tell Mommiekins what’s bothering you.
 

Nigel [whining]: I can’t run the store by myself and Drew won’t help me and I don’t know what I’m going to do and I’m really upset about it.

Maggie [slaps Nigel several times on the face]: Oh, get it together, Wickie. What would your dear father say, if we knew who he was…I mean, if he were here.
 

Nigel: I’m sorry. I’m just at the end of my rope.

Maggie:  Oh, there, there, there. Mommie will take care of everything for her sweet little boy. First let’s tidy you up a bit, shall we?

[She spits on her hands and rubs them together and 
slicks Nigel’s hair nicely in place]
 

Nigel [smiling, sniffs at the air]: 
Vodka and chewing tobacco; it smells like home!